Jefferson City, Mo., April 12, 1865. Dear Wife – As the labors of the day are o’er I seat myself in my cell in order to answer your letter of the 6th which I received today, received Jane’s also. I was much gratified as I always am to receive news from those I love, and you particularly. Sallie, I wrote you Saturday evening and directed the letter to Maryville, I received yours of the 31st in the evening, answered it and directed to St. Joseph and now I write this with the thought it may reach you in due time. You see that I can not keep time. I will proceed this time according to your directions. Sallie, I am glad you are going to visit my relations as we should have done this before now, give them my kindest regards as they have always treated me with the greatest kindness, they know that I have not forgotten them if I have not written, they know my heart. Show them this and tell them to write me, I always have a pleasant day after reading a letter from a true friend. I wish no more of Mr. Kirk’s style, I have not lost the tender feelings I possessed if I am in the Missouri state prison. I am no coward and never shrank from a known duty, I hope to show you the letter he wrote me at no distant day. When I shall embracee you and our little babe and greet our kind friends again and banish sorrows and suffering for ever away, then I wish to meet Uncle Arthur and Aunt Lucy, uncle Henry and Aunt Barbry with the love of our God in our hearts, then we will be happy in the true sense of the term. Dear one, it seems to be the opinion of our St. Joe friends that we are safer in here than out, it is strange they do not put their theory in practice and procure a berth here themselves. It is nonsense to think we will be safer if we stay until the war ends, they will all see that it will not be any better then but rather worse for individuals just at that time, this home quarrel I fear will have long duration. I hope that our relations will conclude and move from here to some other state, I believe I would prefer California. You asked me this question, I refer it back to you, I have often thought but came to no conclusion as yet. Any where to be at peace with all men. Love, I shall hear your advice in this matter, it may be that we will have to leave our friends. If I had heard your advice I might have been saved much suffering, I often think of your words. I hope that Pa will sell his farm and leave the state, there are other places to live save here where we may expect trouble in some shape for some time. If I am so happy to regain my liberty I only want time to leave the old state, as the youthful pleasures of my life have all been swallowed up in the trouble that has ensued. Sallie, you will advise with friends as to our future home, etc., keep me advised of your conclusions and the efforts being made on my behalf. If our news is correct the war will soon end, though we do not know, you will have nothing to gain by waiting. I am not sleeping here but watching everything that may make for my pardon, I hope that my acquaintance that was pardoned last week did as he promised, wrote or visited Pa. Sallie, our St. Joe friends have got a wrong notion in their heads, they are trying to have Charley transferred here which is foolish, the same trouble might procure his pardon; I hope they will so consider and act wisely. Mat received Jane’s letter, I generally read all their letters. I am really sorry for the girls to have to go to that out of the way place as I fear it is, but we must learn to be submissive. My love to all friends. May God bless you all. J.H. Utz
Community and Conflict - the Impact of the Civil War in the Ozarks
